The person who can turn a virus that eats the protective tissues around their brain into quirky conversation deserves a large trophy. That being said standing too close to someone effectively a meter and change tall means that they're forever looking up. And it's automatic for a lot of people. When the pretenses fall away, I'm asked to casually adapt the painful origin story of my disability into light and breezy chitchat. Behind our backs, however, it was perfectly obvious to them that he was taking advantage of me and my vulnerability to satisfy his own desires. Apparently I didn't come off as totally clueless the first time out. What recent films include shots of Times Square? The move was entirely mine since I had to be the one to lean in. He has spino bifida but what caused him to not be able to feel his lower half anymore was diagnosed as sarcoidosis of the spine which we were told was rare. He plays himself, and I was grateful to be introduced to this lovely new music in the company of a lovely new man. All he needed from me was encouragement and knowing I will bring him wherever he needs me to plus cheer him on!
It's polite and tactful not to ask, though, as it makes it seem like 'getting to know your disability' rather than getting to know the person. That he's in a wheelchair by itself doesn't tell us much about where he has or doesn't have movement and sensation if those are affected at all, which they may not be , what he likes or doesn't like sexually and sensually, if he has logistical needs around getting from his chair into a bed or couch He did a very hilly 15k Boilermaker in Utica, NY this past year in his standard chair with only 3 months of training for a wheelchair challenge to try and win a racing chair. People in wheelchairs, are just that, people. They should not be concerned about your love life, but if they are, here is a good comeback if you do decide to go against the norm: Just have fun and if it does get to sexy-times kind of fun, either he will have his own methods and strategies or you'll get to make some up together. It's nice, on dates, if you can do something where for some part of the time you are both seated because it helps with eye contact. So to TMI all over the place, my sexuality changed with my spinal cord injury; it went into hiding a little bit. Til you know his situation better, I think letting him take the lead on logistics will help, as he might be gently steering the timeline to manage physical needs without having to talk about them directly for instance getting home before an aide arrives, or getting to a good restroom in time to be comfortable. Her lower body is paralyzed. Please feel free to tell me if I'm doing something wrong or annoying. He was 30 minutes over the time but a generous lady anonymously gave the money for him to get one and he should have it to start training when winter is over. For instance, don't hold a door open and then stand in the doorway and expect him to work his way through while you're in the way. It is not fine when we are simply out together wandering the streets, and anyone who has to interact with us refers to him as my carer. So yeah, avoid saying things like that. It's an idea so deeply burned into the brains of society that no one thinks twice about it before deciding that my capacity for a relationship extends no further than requiring someone to help me do normal-people stuff, because clearly I am incapable of normal-people emotions, thoughts, or even speech. And please do not bend down or crouch to talk to someone using a chair. Easier said than done before any date, right?! I had never considered accessibility before. He uses a wheelchair. Different muscles and nerve endings are affected by different types of accidents. He plays himself, and I was grateful to be introduced to this lovely new music in the company of a lovely new man. The uncomfortable scenarios were endless and my self-conscious brain was starting to freak out. I say what I need, people go "okay," and life goes on. Some helping is not as tricky. Seconds on not bending over the chair; it's disconcerting, I am told.
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